Ahhh, hookups. Two people who barely know each other, just getting together to have sex. For some, the hookup is a mythical beast that they may go their whole lives without getting a glimpse of; for others, it’s just a regular Friday night.
But wherever you fall between those two extremes, it’s fair to say that most of us wish we could have at least few more hookups than we actually have. Which is where the “how” of hookups comes in.
If you somehow think arranging a casual encounter is simple, think again. But one way to improve your hookup chances is to be part of a community of likeminded people and learn from their experience.
That’s why we tapped the AdultFriendFinder community to answer some of our most pressing hookup questions. In case the name AdultFriendFinder isn’t ringing any bells for you, the site is easily the most popular place on the web (along with some of it’s sister sites like XMatch and FriendFinderX) for people looking to arrange sexual encounters. Essentially, that makes their members hookup experts.
We surveyed 8,776 users on the site (men, women and trans people; hetero and homosexual couples, as well as groups) from the USA, Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, India and Germany to get insights into what it’s like to arrange a hookup – and what exactly goes down when they do.
And in case you’re wondering, these are no Johnny-Come-Latelies to the popular hookup site: just shy of three-quarters of them had been members for at least a year, while more than a third had been on the site for over half a decade.
So more than half of the responders say they’ve had between two and 24 hookups using AdultFriendFinder, and a small minority (about 5%) claiming a rocking 25-plus hookups. Still, about two in five respondents topped out at one hookup, so maybe it’s about more quality and less quantity.
But it could also be explained by the fact that AdultFriendFinder is more than just a hookup site. It offers the curious user all kinds of features: personal blogs, the ability to livestream and watch other users’ livestreams, and a host of resources and dating advice, including a sex academy (!). Yep, the site’s commitment to sex positivity goes way beyond online dating to incorporate aspects of social media. If you’re curious, you can read more about the site in our AFF review.
That being said, when you’ve lined up plans to actually hook up with someone, how does it all go down? (Yes, we’re curious – and we’re pretty sure you are too.) So we asked:
If you needed any further proof that people on AdultFriendFinder are up for whatever, consider that nearly 60% of them would sleep with someone within a few hours!
That being said, lesbian and gay couples responded “within a day” as much as they responded “without a few hours.” And while women on AFF are clearly DTF, they remain the most cautious group, as their preferred response was “within a week,” while well over 60% of men said within a few hours.
While most respondents seem insistent on a classic date before the hookup, with 59% of respondents saying it depends on the person, and 17% going with a categorical “yes” regardless, fully 23% (nearly a quarter) of the AFF https://besthookupwebsites.org/sugar-daddies-canada/mississauga/ users surveyed would be willing to jump into bed with someone without so much as sharing a beer at a bar first. Frisky!
But you’re probably asking yourself: What does a date look like in those circumstances? Here’s what we suggest when both parties are consenting to casual sex and you don’t want to send mixed signals.
If the other person is going to see you naked by the end of the evening (or early in the morning, depending on how late your date goes), you should consider what your naked body will be like once the clothes come off. Have you groomed at all lately? Like, manscaping? Check out our guide to grooming for an intimate evening, if not. And of course, don’t forget to cover your sex bases: you might want to stock up on condoms and lube, if you’re running low.
Expectations-wise, that is. For instance, will there be a dinner? Drinks? Are they in for the girlfriend/boyfriend experience where there might be cuddling afterward, or will it be a purely carnal affair?
If there’s a non-sexual portion of the evening, keep your hands to yourself, don’t be overtly suggestive and really partake in the conversation. No cell phones, of course – keep that in your pants, too. Be genuinely interested in the conversation, and handle the bill gracefully and you’ll be all set for the hookup to come.
4. Know what they like in the bedroom and get consent for what you have in mind before, during and after.
Discuss your fantasies and fetishes and make sure things are clear. Depending on where you meet, things are pretty clear but never ever assume. If you’re unclear, now would be a great time to read up on sexual consent.
Have they expressed a fantasy or fetish they’re looking to get fulfilled? A common answer amongst AFF members is that they joined the site to find a sex partner and learn new things with someone who has the same interests. For example, 65% of the surveyed members own sex toys. Check out our sex toys for couples shopping guide and replenish your bedroom drawer.
If it went well, follow up with them, but don’t take it too hard if they’re not looking for more. Some people are looking for long-term friends with benefits; the best way to approach casual sex might be to find trusted people that you can go to when you’re feeling sexual, as opposed to having to find new people all the time. But if they wanted a one-night stand with no follow ups, you also have to respect that.